The push is on, yet I find my brain still won't focus. Things are finally coming together, and life, for the moment, is cooperating. Yet...
That words dominates my day. I know where I need to be, what I should do, and exactly how it all will flow together. So why can't I do it? It's like my need to finish this has fallen so far down that I don't feel capable of coming back. Yet I do...
It is a very odd feeling.
It would take maybe two weeks to get everything done. That's it. Two weeks of focus, and hammering down. I have pushed myself to do two weeks of work in four days, but it appears that side of me has left. My give a fuck gave up, and wandered off into the sunset.
It isn't writer's block, and it is so annoying to keep getting told that. The story is pretty much done. I have notes for every chapter on what needs to change, and for almost everything else. It is all there, waiting for me to open up the file, and do the typing thing.
A few weeks back I went on a trip, and created a new file to add things to it. Inspiration flowed, and I even changed the name of a character to mirror one of my sisters. It is no one special, in this book anyway. New ideas were jotted down, and the few chapters I needed to figure out, were completed. YET, I can't bring myself to actually input any of it.
I know I just need to do it. No sitting and staring at the file folder, and shutting down the laptop instead. In fact, I am planning on attempting a late into the night push today, and see if I can get my "give a shit" back. I have paid for editing, and really need to get it to them, but even this knowledge isn't making me have any urgency.
Perhaps it's the lack of feedback that is pushing me to this point. I really have zero reviews on sites, and it bothers me. I know many have the novels, and wish they would even put they hated it. At least it's something! Perhaps it is the fact that so many things have been going wrong in life the last six months, and my mind doesn't want to hold onto anything at this time.
Whatever it is, I need to get over it. My five fans want this next novel.